to Cinamon with love

You appeared out of nowhere
unexpected unseen
you just crept up and infested within me
why?.. if you had no plans to stay

First day of med school-horrible!
but you were there at the end of day.
I missed home
but you wiped my tears.
I missed him
but you healed me.
why?... if you had no plans to stay

You are a dreamer
with the heart of a fighter
you are a soul saver
with the eyes of a goddess
you dreamt for me and you saved me
why?.. if you had no plans to stay

I was falling for you..yes it's true!
and I wanted you to understand
but 'stead you crept away
the same way you came
unexpected unseen
why?... you should've told me you weren't here to stay.

You were afraid- you still are
just let go
I beg you
you're worth it, every inch of you
I can show you
if you just let me
but you run
even before the race
why... I would've made you stay

no I don't understand
any of it
you taught me.. you led me.. into you
and I'm stuck
confused
it's not your fault
I should've known you weren't here to stay
none of this wouldn't have happened

we'd still be friends.


p.s. to all my fellow ladies out there- never loose hope! Believe in love! But hey don't wait for your prince charming to come save you- save your self,  he'll get there on his own time and you'll be his superwoman! :))

"We don't look for heaven and we put our love first ..Don't you know we'd die for it? It's a curse.. This is what makes us girls"

There you were
standing right in the middle of the stage;
the traditional 'beraya' around your waist;
that smirk on your face and with hands that moved perfectly to the beat
looking ever so handsome, you caught my heart.
forgive me.

I took charge
with a blink of an eye, you were my friend
my best friend
my everything.
forgive me.

18th birthday
it finally came
red roses, chocolate and my favorite of all,
the poem, the story and the song
18 things on that list of yours
only 17 made it out
and I still yearn ache beg for that one...that didn't make it
forgive me.

19th birthday
we walked, panting sweating through the small woods
your surprise..for me
the winter garden ..oh you tried so hard!
I should've kissed you and completed that list
but I didn't
there was silence and we were gone
leaving behind the scent of your favourite spray
a birthday gift I was told
which I planned to give you.
forgive me.

Then it was the day
I was to say goodbye
we went to your special place
mission bay... but everyone goes there?
just wait you said and we drove
in silence
horns yanked behind me
for I was nervous having you in the next seat
very nervous for you were so close to me
forgive me.

Your place
it was special
a beautiful view it held
we lied on the grass, arms touching
you asked
can I kiss you
we didn't
forgive me.

Almost three years...
and you are a stranger
with a girl beside you
and you're smiling.
But we were to be the best of friends?
and we were to share every second of our lives with eachother?
you told me so!
and I believed you.
forgive me.

I was a child
I didn't know of love
I barely had my first kiss
that with you. YOU
how was I to know what I felt
forgive me.

Here I wait,
to feel what my heart felt for you
that one night I was to leave you
someone? anyone?
surely you couldn't have been that special
right?.. right?!!
 ... and I let you go
I must.
forgive me
for I only wish you the very best of all!

here's the link if you wanna have a listen... :)
this is what makes us girls- Lana Del Rey

Lotus.

You ask me
why burn that hair, root to tip
you ask me
why pain the eyes, lid to lash
you ask me
why paint the lips, top to bottom
when you don't need any?

I ask you
do you prefer the smooth, luscious curls perfectly pinned in place
waiting to be released to its gravity, only by your hands.
I ask you
do you prefer the perfectly curved lashes so thick so dark
hiding underneath the eyes that long for just one touch, by you.
I ask you
do you prefer the full, perfectly lined lips
slightly parting at the slight hint of your presence, only yours.
don't you?

Did it occur to you
that may be
I didn't want to be touched or even liked your clawing hands
may be, i wasn't waiting for you
did it occur to you
that may be
I take the pains to do what i do because
it makes ME feel better? makes ME happy?
may be
no one was there to assure me i don't need it
may be
 I had to assure myself that I'm beautiful
is that so wrong?

you tell me
I invited you
you tell me,
I should know better to behave for i am a girl
you tell me
my mama should've taught me better
you tell me
all the same i deserve what was done.

I tell you
I am free
I tell you
my mama taught me the best
for I tell you that even if i walk naked, it still does not give nobody the right to touch me
I walk off
being the lotus I am, he the mud.